Transparency

Posted on April 13, 2011

3


I babble a lot on here about nothingness. Mostly, I blog for myself and my family.  I also hope that people can see God in what I post.  He is a Great Redeemer and I am living proof of that.

I had an average childhood – I have some fond memories, some not so fond memories, but for the most part, it’s a blur.  I do know I didn’t have my father’s approval like way too many girls and that shaped most of whom I would become.

I think my life took a turn for the worse when I was raped at 16.  Up till that point, while we were not a Christian family, I had wanted to wait  until marriage. Seemed like not having sex was a moot point after my virginity was stolen. So here I am, not a virgin, horrible self-esteem and I felt no love from my father.

So I went on a binge: sex, drugs, alcohol and a bit of Rock N Roll thrown in for good measure.  I remember sitting in my friend’s kitchen floor drinking her mom’s Southern Comfort and smoking in back alleys.  I remember many mornings waking up and not remembering what had happened the previous night.  My life was going nowhere.

Then I had a kiddo. A kiddo I love with everything I have and would do anything for. I changed my lifestyle for her.

BUT – she wasn’t with me every weekend. I was still seeking a father’s approval and sought it out this time via men, drugs and alcohol. And of course, Rock N Roll.  I was pretty good at hiding all that from Abby too. I am sure she remembers some of it and she and I have talked about it in the hopes that she won’t follow in my footsteps.

Then came the worst.  I took a married man away from his family.  I had always said I wouldn’t date a married man – some had tried – but, I fell in love. That is absolutely no excuse.  None. But I did it. (More on that story to come…)

But later, I found God.  He gave me all the approval I had been seeking all those years. I no longer sought out approval from anyone other than God and my family.  I have been forgiven my many sins. Some might call me God’s Princess.

I guess I wanted to talk about this because I wanted everyone to see that God’s love is a redeeming love. No matter how “bad” you have been, He still loves you. 😉

 

Ephesians 1:7 In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace;

 


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